It was our last day of Si Se Puede '08. We had two student matinees in the morning, and then an evening performance.
After the matinees, I checked my phone. There was a voicemail from my friend Lucius up north, and he was crying. CRYING. I had never heard this guy cry before, not once in my life. I listened to the voicemail. Thirty seconds later, I was crying as well.
I spent the rest of the day in a haze. I went back to my apartment in Montrose, made lunch, surfed 4chan in hopes of finding something, anything to make me laugh. Nothing did. Finally, at 5pm, I set out to TBH for our final performance.
My buddy V was already at the theatre, and we got to work folding programs for the night's performance. I told him that I found out a friend had passed. He asked how it happened, and I suddenly got quiet.
V: "She didn't hurt herself, did she?"
Me: *gulp* "Yes. She did."
I tried to get my mind off it. I warmed up with the rest of the company, a ballet barre on the stage. I laughed and joked with my fellow dancers. But when we circled up to do our pre-show prayer, it was all I could do to keep from crying my ever-loving eyes out.
I danced my first piece without a hitch, then spent the rest of Act I pacing around backstage, wondering "WhywhywhywhywhyWHY?" I decided I wanted to make a dance in her memory, because Lord knows that's all I know how to do in these situations (well...that, and bring beer to the surviving family. I'm pretty sure I would make a terrible bereavement counselor).
V came offstage and found me, still pacing. "You ready?"
He gave me a hug. "This next dance is for your friend."
I couldn't have said it better.
We miss you, Celi.