Photo Credit: Phil Wayes

Monday, April 13, 2009

My Week in 15: Stress, 'Alice,' and Hoping for Better

Part One: Stress
1. Sorry for the lack of updates, everyone. It's has been a crazy stressful week here at Upstage Left, so normal hobbies like blogging, cooking, and naked hang gliding had to take a bit of a backseat.
2. Just to give you an idea: I came home Thursday on the verge of tears, hiccuping and mumbling it's just so hard, i used to love dancing and performing but now it makes me miserable and it sucks and good God I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE. Thankfully, my good friend was around to take me by the hand and gently remind me suck it up, already.
4. I've spent the last few days having some good, long talks with myself about how to better handle these situations; thinking about what needs to change in order for me to go back to loving my dancer- life.
5. I also forced my good friend to listen to me ramble on (thanks, Mr. Sozeberg) ad we had several dialogues about how to be stronger and how to approach my anxiety over the situation. As a result, I feel better prepared to take on the coming week.
It's not all, doom and gloom, though....

Part Two: Let's talk about 'Alice'
6. Teaching my students and working on Alice's Adventures in Wonderland has been my Happy Place during this stressful week. Whether the first three-quarters of my day have been good, bad, or ugly; I'm smiling by the time I leave the studio at the end of the night.
7. Thanks to all who e-mailed asking about our injured dancers. I have a feeling our Alice is going to be fine-- kids are resilient, and when I saw her the other day she said "It doesn't even hurt anymore."
8. She does have an understudy rehearsing in her place for time being (Yours Truly).
9. I don't mind-- heck, rehearsing her part is fun. I'm just hoping to not perform it, because my hard-working student deserves that moment way too much (It's her first lead role, one she's worked very hard for). In the meantime, I'm more than happy to be her temporary-stand in.
10. I'm feeling pretty good about my progress thus far on the story ballet. My dances are getting cleaner, things are looking good, and I'm a happy co-choreographer-turned-understudy.

Part Three: Staying Hopeful
11. What else? I have performances this week! I'm hoping that by then I feel like my normal dancer-self again. Although nothing lifts my spirits like a good performance, I'm hoping to enjoy the full process and not realize "Oh, hey, that was fun! Performing is great!" after the shows are over.
12. I think the Dance Company is filming a TV commercial this week, too. That'll be fun. E, A, and I danced in a TV spot together last summer, and it was really neat.
13. The fact that I'm looking forward to performing and the like makes me think things are going to work out just fine. It's hard to not be anxious, though; it's been really difficult lately.
14. People don't say this enough: Being a dancer is rough, y'all.
15. And with that, I'm off to the studio.

3 comments:

Natalie said...

"Naked hang gliding" sounds a little painful. I'm thinking windburn, you know?

balletfillet said...

I hear ya on the rough patches with dance. Often I wake up and ask myself if this is really what I want to do. Luckily, the answer has always, since i was a child, been yes.

www.martinemussies.nl said...

I strongly believe that your motivation and ambitions will return to you. Perhaps you just need a small vacation? Best wishes and good luck with Alice!

x Martine

P.S.
My modest dance site is at www.barokdans.nl :-)